You’re killing me, people.
Last week I told you one of the ways I make money is paid distribution of sponsored content.
We’ve also talked ad nauseam about content shock: How high the hurdle must be for anyone to care even a little about your content.
And yet I receive copy like this all the time:
In the [redacted] medicine market, device manufacturers will need to address many challenges, including learning how to navigate regulatory compliance efficiently to save time and reduce costs, and incorporating sophisticated outcome-based compensation models for patient-centric targeted therapies.
That was just the first sentence. I’ll spare you the rest but what did that just say?
The reason I put so many GIFs in this post? To keep you reading, it’s so boring.
Plus, once I got started, I couldn’t choose which of these entertained me most.
Sorry, Usain Bolt. I’m getting to it now, my bad.
Remember Journey #32: The First Words Challenge? It’s a short one. I just re-read it.
And realize I’m making the same point here but, you know, the GIFs.
I’ll be generous. They lost me by the second comma. They projected, “This is going to waste your time.”
In the global precision medicine market, device manufacturers will need to address many challenges,
If I weren’t feeling so sarcastic, I would have deleted the whole thing. But, for fun, let me explain:
Manufacturers face challenges.
Yes, really. And what’s more…
including learning how to navigate regulatory compliance efficiently to save time and reduce costs
Woah. Slow down there. You’re saying one of the challenges is regulatory in nature?
And these people want to save time? AND reduce costs?
But they have to do this efficiently?
Yes, I can see why that would be important.
What? There’s even more?
Okay, I’m ready.
and incorporating sophisticated outcome-based compensation models for patient-centric targeted therapies.
Come on.
“… sophisticated outcome-based compensation models?” You mean, “How hospitals get paid.”
“… patient-centric targeted therapies?” You mean, “for treating patients.”
Your copy is boring enough.
You have to make it hard to understand too?
Jeez.
Horrible Medical Device Marketing
I wrote this piece, “Horrible Medical Device Marketing from HORIBA Medical,” back in 2012.
It remains among my most popular.
An excerpt, reworked to shorten it:
HORIBA sponsored the elevator doors at a trade show. I couldn’t believe the message.
I studied it, digesting each word … because, surely, no one would spend thousands of dollars to say absolutely nothing, right? And here’s what I got:
What did you
just say?
the next generation: Oh, an update of an existing product.
of innovation: Yeah, I get it. So what is it?
which will revolutionize: Really? Still no answer?
the way we provide total solutions: Ok, this is a joke, right?
for Healthcare: Well, duh, we’re at a healthcare show. I got the healthcare part before we even started. (The picture of the doctor gave it away.)
in the future: I can’t believe what I just read.
Don’t do that, okay?
Fast Round
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What Martyn taught me about photos. I was, like, why are we uploading the same photo three times in three different sizes? Won’t my responsive design just adjust each image for the space allotted?
Yes, depending on your website build, you can probably get away with uploading only one size. But, my young friend taught me, the bigger the file, the slower the load time.
Good one, Martyn.
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All in. If you haven’t been following my LinkedIn drama, I took the drastic step of “closing my group” this week. Here’s a summary with a photo of my boys now serving as my screensaver. Two things:
– Click here if you want the Medical Devices Group equivalent of The Journey each Tuesday morning;
– I changed the name(!) of the Medical Devices Group to “MedicalDevicesGroup.net (we moved!).”My strategy: The name of the group is the best “real estate” I have on the site. I’m letting it advertise where to find us now.
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$250 off through August 23. I created a cheeky two-day 10x for ENGINEERS promotion: Save $250 on any conference pass using the code BYELINKEDIN. It was a self-satisfying way to reinforce my departure and a quick lift to ticket sales.
Know anyone who should attend? Then pass it on!
Thank you for joining me on The Journey.
See you next week – or sooner – if you choose to reply to this email,
P.S. Those “yawing GIFs” were hard to look at as I wrote this in the overnight hours.
P.P.S. Share this Journey, won’t you? I had fun writing it.
